Support groups: how sad that there are so many just in our small city.
Depending on the woman, her strength, her support system and her will to live; some survive.
Some do not….some still live with it every – single – day.
Women go to self defense classes but there we are taught how to defend against our attacker just enough so we can run away. The assumption is we will be attacked outside of the home yet statistics show that the number of assaults is far greater inside our home. Our attacker tends to be more often than not, someone we know and love.
The violence normally doesn’t start happening overnight. It takes time to wear down the victim. Time to lure her into a state of trust and slowly, a little a time, ‘the moments’ begin to occur. Sometimes she isn’t even aware that it is happening…until it is too late. She is either deep into the relationship…marriage, kids, 25 years invested; too embarrassed to tell anyone or has told people and no one believes her because she has been so good at keeping it a secret. Worse yet, police are called and they just brush it off. Swept it under the table. It’s not easy to simply walk away.
Just try and find articles on domestic violence – I’ll bet they are just as popular as the Kardashians – NOT!.
Every victim’s situation is different but all have similarities. Missed red flags.
And then, when she does manage to get out of it, the real symptoms kick in, the aftermath. The skittishness, fear of being in the presence of males, fear of intimacy, keeps everyone at arm’s length, afraid of even her own shadow – she wants to learn how to protect herself but the truth is, she is fighting the biggest battle of them all by this point – herself.
She learns to show a ‘happy mask’ to the outside world while keeping her demons inside of her. The images and memories never go away. They are triggered over and over again until she learns how to calm her mind.
My dear survivors of domestic abuse, all I can say is find a way heal your soul & mind. Your bruises may have disappeared but the inside damage needs more than just a bandage. Don’t drown in drugs or alcohol. They won’t make things better long term.
Try Kickboxing or Karate. Running or Baseball. Yoga or Tai Chi. Whatever your pleasure, just find something to calm your mind so that you can heal.
I find that when I come out of Jiu Jitsu, my mind is at peace. I cannot tell you what to try, you need to find this out on your own terms. Just don’t give up on yourself!
Please, do not ever risk your life for anyone….because…
You are beautiful.
You are worth it.
You are strong.
You can survive….you already have…
As for everyone else, be respectful. You probably do not even know that they are struggling….especially during the holidays when everyone is happy and giddy.
Do not judge others for they may be fighting a fight that you are not aware of.
To all my beloved beautiful ladies who still find yourselves caught in this diabolical web, may you find the strength to survive the winter months as they tend to be a very tense time of the year for many.