Category Archives: Girl Power

Road to Healing

Here I sit, after yet another scary bout of infections after a medical procedure.  When you don’t have a personal nurse caring by your side, meeting your every need especially food intake, you need to rely on yourself.

It isn’t easy.  It takes some discipline and quite possibly, the internet.

Yes.  How can this crazy world of the internet help?  Well, because I am not alone.  There are many others who use technology to assist them in their everyday life and groups of amazing individuals have created a set of apps/sites that have become my right hand.

It took some getting used to but I have, as of today, successfully logged 7 days straight of food intake.  Let me tell you….it was an eye opener.

In order for my body to fight off and heal the terrible infection that was inside me, days and days of buckets and buckets and buckets of heavy hitter antibiotics were poured in.  Morphine has quite the effects on the body and lets just for fun, throw in a few other meds…..just to watch how the human body reacts.  Long story short, as strong as the acid in our stomach is…it can only take so much before it implodes.

A fellow jiujuteira made me a little recipe to help me combat the terrible insisting metal taste.  Lemon and Ginger Water.  Calm the ever present nausea and maybe, just maybe, the combination of right foods to finally heal.

Grocery Gateway

I started using Grocery Gateway to get my food into the house.  I am not allowed to pick up anything heavy, nor will I be able to for quite a while yet.  Can I just say what a wonderful service this is, regardless of surgeries?  If you are a busy person, which I am sure you are, this service allows you to set up your order, pick a delivery date and time, and modify the order right up until 7pm the evening before.  Bliss.

I start my order for the following week on the Saturday, process it even if I haven’t finished all the shopping I need – simply to secure the delivery time/date.  I personally like the 7am-9am on a Saturday morning slot.  It is $10 delivery charge but if you calculate the gas to get to the store, your time in the store, the impulse purchases etc….$10 is nothing when they also pick out all the food for you.  I have not had a complaint yet – nothing rotting, very fresh (sometimes a little too fresh)

My Fitness Pal

My second tool I have begun to use is My Fitness Pal for logging my food intake.  Wow…what an eye opener this has been.  A dear friend of mine has been all over my case that I don’t eat enough protein…she didn’t say I didn’t eat healthy.  Just not enough protein.  That made me think and realize that I have absolutely no clue how food truly does work.  Since I have been bed-ridden for a few weeks and barely moving around, I learned what my BMR is.  You ask, what the heck is BMR?!  Ya.  Me too..I had no clue.

Your BMR (Basal Metabolic Rate) is an estimate of how many calories you’d burn if you were to do nothing but rest for 24 hours. It represents the minimum amount of energy needed to keep your body functioning, including breathing and keeping your heart beating. My Fitness Pal includes this calculator for you.  Once you know that, then you can set your calorie goals here.

Daily Nutrition Goals

Daily Calorie Goals

Daily Water Consumption

Did I mention this site is free?  It has a paid membership for more advanced features, but I have to say….the features for a beginner are amazing.

After a week of paying attention to my food intake, I can tell now when I have not had enough of ‘something’ in my diet.  My legs start to not be able to hold me up, my hands start to shake a lot….the human body, such an amazing machine.

Yep….you guessed it, I haven’t had enough protein that day.  Thank you my dear friend Renata, for being such a beautiful annoying pain in the butt….you are helping me heal.

Fitbit Alta

Lastly,  if I can get in 1K steps in a day, that is huge right now. So exercise is not a priority so much for me at the moment.

However sleep…..sleep has got to be the number one healer of all time.  I know when the infection is worsening due to the exhaustion levels that hit me.

I like my Alta because its tiny.  Bulky things on my wrist bother me.

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The bands are not the sleekest.  I don’t understand why it comes with a plastic band when the Alta is not water-resistant but Amazon has some neat bands.  I treated myself to a new band….not sure about it yet, as it is a little heavy.  I thought the leather would be lighter than the metal…I’ve already removed all the bling on the sides.

The only mistake I wonder I made is if not investing in the version with the Heart Rate makes a difference.  Maybe when this one dies off or decides to go into the shower with me.

Oy vey, I digress…the effects of morphine and not letting me focus.

Sleep.

The Alta tracks your sleep.  I have read that it is pretty accurate in its readings, if that is the case, my sleeping patterns sucks.  I go to bed at 10pm, I am up at 5:30am  Lots of hours, right?  No.  I actually only get about 2-3 hours of regular restful sleep.  This is something that I feel needs a little bit more of research.

Final Conclusion?

What does all of this have to do with Jiu Jitsu?  Nothing and everything.  It’s the one activity I truly fell in love with, I crave it when I am doing it regularly and I miss is terribly when I cannot.  In order for me to be able to get back on the mat at some point in time over the next few months….I need to get healthy.

We turn to the medical field to heal all of our ailings.  The truth is they are not miracle workers.  They are human just like we are.  We need to help them, help us….(cue in Jerry McGuire – help me, help you)

So learn about yourself.  Take a moment to reflect physically, spiritually and emotionally.

Are you in a good place?  Have you lost your smile?

Then do something about it….start taking better of yourself because you, my dear friend, are worth it. xo

Don’t ever lose your smile.

PS….I’m not completely alone, my daughter has been a gem of help. I love you to the moon and back, mi niña.

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First you have to get healthy…

“First you have to get rid of that uterus and be healthy. You can’t train if you’re not well and in pain.”   An actual text from my dearest friend. xox26754430_10213239753242929_1728523955_n

During this most emotionally trying time where I can’t train properly in Jiu Jitsu because this old body of mine is finally rejecting my uterus, my girlfriends help lift my spirits.

Gentlemen, you have NO idea how lucky you have it.  Us gals, we fight with our reproductive system from a very early age, some of us as early as 9 years old.  We get this thing called our period/time of the month/bleeds …whatever you call it, at that young of an age, it sucks and its embarrassing.  For some lucky gals, it’s painless, most feel something at some point in time or another.

Then we move on to our baby making years, some of our uterus’ can punt out 3-4 or more babies, sometimes they come out in duplicates and triplicates, some of us only one and some none which is really sad if your ‘clock’ is ticking and you really want that baby.  I waited until I was 35 to have my baby and all I can say is that I know exactly how loud the sound of that ticking can get.

Along comes child birth and all I can say is….wtf?!?  In case you’re wondering, watch this if you haven’t had children, it does a good job at explaining the definition of w-t-f?.

Seriously? What is it that woman-kind did to y’all?  There is absolutely nothing that compares to the pain of this function.  Let’s just jam a fertilized seed inside our tiny uterus, let it grow for 40+ weeks (what seems like a lifetime of wtf’s) – honestly, I love my baby girl but being 5′ 1″ and pregnant with swollen ankles carrying a child that came out the size of a two year old ….wasn’t fun as I waddled my way from room to room.  Walking wasn’t an option, neither was the c-section at the end.

Fast forward a decade or two, maybe even three, depending on when you closed your baby factory.  You pretty much forget about the uterus after this stage especially if you have had your tubes tied.  You thank your uterus for providing the incubation tank for your child to cook in and it shouldn’t be a bother anymore.  Right?

Wrong!!

uterus3Cue in menopause!! A woman’s ‘change in life’ which is supposedly natural but let me tell you, there is nothing natural with having your body begin to reject the very thing that provides life.

This time is a great big W-T-F?!?

There is simply no other way to define it. I think I have finally reached a point that I can coast through the hot flashes without wanting to vomit.  It is remotely possible that Jiu Jitsu helps me control the hair trigger effect (could just be me thinking that though) that makes me want to rip someone’s head off for the slightest of reasons.  What I can not seem to wrap my head around is fibroids.

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1 in 3 women develop Fibroids which are non-cancerous tumours (nobody really knows why either) and according to male gynecologists – not a big deal?  Seriously?

 

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All we have to do to fix this is wait until I’m fully in menopause?  SMH

 

 

For some ladies, this beautiful (<– sarcasm) fibroid grows into an object the size of a football, moving around her organs and putting so much pressure on her body she begins to question if this would be a good time to consider gender change surgery.

For other ladies, yes, there are the bleeders – tiny ones that like to break the uterine wall causing the kind of pain that makes child birth look like a walk in the park.  I have had the displeasure of undergoing 5 major abdominal surgeries – trust me when I say, please pass me the morphine, this fibroid hurts like hell.

What does any of this have to do with Jiu Jitsu?  Everything.

I am in constant pain, it never shuts off.  I read that exercise helps dull the pain.  I also read that the fibroid could rupture, so knee-on-belly, front rolls and break falls/sweeps….could end up in a scene from Carrie the horror movieespecially since we wear white Gis at my academy.

My fellow teammates who know about my condition are really good at helping me with practicing my drills and I don’t keep getting asked if I am ok while I sit on the sidelines – which for the most part I feel embarrassment that I train so poorly but I’m quite glad that no one asks anymore.  I hate having to say no to each person that asks me to roll – especially when I am honoured they want to – I simply don’t want them to be that one person that bumps me the wrong way.  I would feel terrible.

I am ok, I will survive this but truth is, as much as I want this hysterectomy done sooner than later, being forced into one on the mat is not something I look forward to.

26732711_10213241890816367_230226080_oJiu Jitsu is still my happy place and I have an empathetic professor that whether he understands what I am going through or not, he understands the healing properties of the mat.  He lets me be the judge of what I do in warm ups or not.  I sit on the sidelines, sometimes I am lucky enough to get through the drills and when it comes time to spar, if I am feeling strong enough, I will practice the technique of the day with one or two of the ladies…otherwise, I watch and learn.

A year later, (plus two stripes!) it still fascinates me to watch my team mates spar and see if I can identify the moves while they are doing it.  In the meantime, they let me photograph the odd seminar, I stay in touch with the female BJJ community best I can from a distance, take lots of ibuprofen and rest when it hurts too much.  Maybe write a blog post or two.

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I’m finally at a point in my life that I have my shyte together in my head…but my body….well, I guess it is time to gracefully enter my next stage in life.  I won’t take it laying down though, I plan to get stronger after my surgery and keep my eye on that purple belt.  I’d say black but I could be 90 years old by then.  Purple might be doable by my late 70s or early 80s.

 

Did I mention that the medication I am on to help shrink this wondrous fibroid has made me alcohol-intolerant…..AND has forced me to give up ice cream along with all dairy?

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Political correctness is the handicap of society

Standing in the middle of the streets of Detroit with my aunt (it’s her first crossing of the ocean, never having been outside her small village in Spain) says very loudly and wide-eyed…. “they are so black”.  She wasn’t being judgemental or offending, she had quite siwhat-one-learns-in-a-classroom-is-just-a-very-small-part-of-learning-process-the-real-learning-starts-when-one-crosses-borders-and-travels-miles-for-the-real-knowledgemply never seen a person of color in real life and for her that was very different.  (Did you know Spanish is the number 2 language in the States – very quickly I shush’d her).

The beauty of the last 80 years is that people now travel more, see more, experience more, question more…and hence, we learn more….or at least, I hope we do.

It still shocks me when I learn that people in my daughter’s generation have never even left the property lines of Hamilton, let alone outside the country.

I’d love to say that I came up with today’s blog title, alas, I did not….my friend Blair is a highly enlightened individual who is forever seeing the world in a positive light.

At last year’s Golden Globe awards, Meryl Streep was awarded the Cecil B. DeMille award and gave a very compelling speech.

And yet…..people got offended.  MMA lovers…offended.  Football spectators…offended.

Listen to this one woman who points out how political correctness is something that should be thrown in the garbage..

offending-people-is-a-necessary-and-healthy-act-every-time-you-say-something-that-is-offensive-to-quote-1I don’t know if I am simply been more aware of it lately or if my students don’t seem have any fear of caring what other people think and hence I am learning from them….but everyone seems concerned about offending someone else.  Including myself…I can be outspoken and I am quite sure I have offended more than person.

What I have learned is the more I try to not offend someone, the easier and and harsher I seem to offend them.

So I give up trying….I either stay quiet or am honest in my answer.  Either way, my main objective is to remain respectful to the other person.

It is something I love about Jiu Jitsu and being on the mat, it is actually quite difficult to worry about political correctness.  Kinda gets in the way actually.awkward1

Picture this, two men rolling around on the mat, sweaty and actually a little stinky – well, ok, for some more than a little and yet, they keep sparring.  Another example is when a man and woman are sparring, hands go everywhere.  Not on purpose or in any way perverted but the fact is if a man has to grab my Gi collar for a technique, invariably there will be many times that he grabs more than my collar.

At first it felt very awkward and I have tried many….many different types of sports bras (I can’t help that I am endowed) – it simply is what it is.  I cannot be offended or expect to World 2011 IBJJF Jiu Jitsu Championshipbe treated different.  The best part is that I can actually joke about it while I find myself in that moment and most of my team members can giggle along with it.  It is a brutal experience when you can feel yourself falling out of your t-shirt.  I only wish I could look as graceful as Mackenzie Dern while doing it.

For me, I still have my moments where I am very concerned about offending someone while on the mat, I am pretty sure it is because Jiu Jitsu has in fact become a very important component of my life.  Making my team mates uncomfortable is not something I want, I respect them too much.

If anything, I am always concerned that my awkwardness and continuous fear of breaking out of my comfort zone shines through in class and I probably do make others feel uncomfortable – then again, maybe not.

White or Black.  Latino or Irish. Tall or Short.  Skinny or Heavy.  Young or Old.  Rich or Poor. Man or Woman.

There is no room for political correctness on the mat because it is the one place that everything is real and everyone respects that.

We all have a common goal – the love of Jiu Jitsu.

Besides,  it’s difficult to get offended when I’m coming off the mat all red faced and disheveled – worse when I know I haven’t trained even a 1/4 as hard as everyone in the room.

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Thank you Marie-Laure On for your funny comics and take on Women in BJJ – they bring a smile to my face everytime.  Follow her at Art of BJJ – a feminin look at Jiu Jitsu.

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Life span of a worker bee

In the summer a worker bee only lives for about 40 days. (based on a Google search).  This is how long I thought I would last in the world of Jiu Jitsu and my writing, well, I wasn’t sure where that was headed at all.  Its been 6 months and I love Jiu Jitsu more and more every day.  The writing takes a little more effort and needs more free time than I have had lately.

I am still involved with the mat in one capacity or another although I haven’t trained much since my body decided to let me know that there is a foreexplosion-417894_960_720ign substance growing in my uterus with a Bang! Pow! Ka-pling!

It couldn’t let me know slowly.  Noooo…. it has to plow right through me causing me such tremendous pain that I could barely breathe, let alone grapple.  I thank my lucky stars though, the biopsy came back benign.  Phew!

I am very grateful to my fellow grapplers who knew about this and helped me distract my mind by letting me practice my photography skills at their tournament and in class (thank you Pura!).  Also the giggles I endured while I watched them practice the new moves taught in class gave me even just a few minutes of reprieve.

After 8 weeks of being off the mat and taking pills that are pretty much making a hole in my stomach in hopes of shrinking the tumor ( I can only take a 3-month supply in a lifetime…imagine), I have decided that I am going to brave going back into the sharktank this week.  Even if it just to do light stretching and resting when things hurt.

Don’t give up..just keep working through it all.  If it doesn’t kill you, it will make you stronger.  I know my mates will be careful with me, they have been so far.

Where have I been in the meantime?

Learning about fibroids, for one, and how freaking painful they can be – now I understand why my belly keeps growing.  I had to get a new belt because I thought I had shrunk my first belt or was just plain getting fat!

As women, I simply cannot get over what we (collectively) go through.  To bear children, to move on to next stages in life – and still fight hard to be independent, hard working, want to compete but can’t because our reproductive system has such tremendous control of our bodies.

Gentlemen, I beg you, be kind to your ladies.  They go through a lot with their bodies.  Be patient with the hormone shifts, the monthly contractions are real and don’t just happen when we are delivering a child.  We simply ‘suck it up’ and ignore them until we can’t.  Then we need the warm compress, chocolate and ice cream to make us feel better.  A hug from you would be nice too…or like one of my Pura brothers offered, his cheek to punch in the face as he saw me breathe through a particularly nasty contraction..

That made me chuckle…

Where am I now?

Photography.  That is my current drug of choice.  I am an amateur photographer, I like capturing moments in time – people’s emotions, either on their faces or through seeing earth’s beauty.  I also run the school yearbook, so photography has become something that I strive to learn to perfect and in turn, teach my students to produce captivating images that make others gasp.

Taking a step out of my norm, I’ve decided to put into practice what I have learned in regards to sports photography and incorporate it with Jiu Jitsu.  Many of you have seen my work already.  As for others, I have since learned that I need to watermark my photos before publishing them publicly.  Plus, I currently do not have permission for public posting, so out of respect to my fellow grapplers…those images are currently private to a small group only.  Once I get that permission, I will show it off.  I promise.

Here is a small sampling of my photography. (Thank you Joel, owner of Sweet Sweat Canada for letting me post your image)

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Where do I wish to be?

I wish to be tumor-free for starters.  It has really put a kink in my lifestyle.

Competition ready.  I would like to prepare to compete next spring. It is a bit of a big deal for me – another stepping stone in my evolution.  My fellow grapplers have already said they would help prepare me.

But most of all, I wish to be where I was 8 weeks ago…full of fire and spice for wanting to be on the mat as opposed to be being scared to step back on it.

2 steps forward, 7 steps backwards – this is how I feel right now.

It is ok though, prognosis could have been A LOT worse, for that I am very thankful.

Yes, this scared the crap out of me….I can’t even imagine how scared my mom was when she found out her’s was malignant. #cancerblows

For now, I am happy to be part of my Pura family – together we are definitely stronger.  Thank you for letting me part of it.

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The student becomes the teacher.

As I keep blogging about my experiences with Jiu Jitsu, I began to realize the impact of writing my thoughts in specific.  I took this opportunity to extend this project into my Grade12 Yearbook class.

As I see in my own training on the mat, once we reflect and look back to where we started and what we have become….we obtain a tremendous sense of pride and accomplishment.

These super intelligent students of mine and I have spent the last 4 months working tirelessly on the 2017 Yearbook – hoping it will be yet another award winningdwp-insert book (we have won 2 nation-wide achievement awards so far) – I asked them to
bare their souls, be brutally honest with their thoughts (according to them, I am a big meany 🙂 )  and in turn, they prepared these amazing blogs based on their experience of publishing a book in 5 main areas : Layout, Photography/Video, Journalism, People/Time Management – and a note to future yearbook staff.

(This year, I set up my classroom in a hierarchical structure.  We had one Editor-in-chief, one secretary, 5 leads (photography, creative, video, layouts and journalism), and everyone else received the title of minion.  None the less, they all had to help each other with all aspects of completing a yearbook.)

A very special blog written by the Editor-In-Chief – a message to the rest of the class

…..and the rest of the staff …..  fantastic work everyone!!yearbook

There is a lot of reading here but well worth it, so take your time..you may even see one of them in lights one day in the future…

So proud of my chickadees for not giving up, even when every fibre in your being is screaming to.

These students have taught me that no matter what is going on outside of the walls of our school, like on the mat, once we all focus on a common goal – nothing can stop us.

We have become family – albeit a dysfunctional one – then again, who’s family isn’t?

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Praying to the porcelain god.

Too much of anything is not good.

patron_silver_tequila_76309On my last birthday, I received a beautiful bottle of Patron Tequila (Thx Ang!!)

As it proudly sits on my shelf, every time I look at it, it reminds me of that one time in college when Lisa and I were actually awarded the title….The Tequila Shielas!  …oh boy……..  (sorry about your car George 😦 )

I’ve taken a short break from writing because well, I was over-saturating my brain with Jiu Jitsu.  Reading blogs and articles, watching video after video, the mats constantly on my mind, thoughts on what to write next – my mind was in such a state of overload – I was beginning to get bored with it all.  I swear if I was in today’s younger generation, I’d be diagnosed with ADHD.  As a matter of fact, I’m sure of it.toilet

Slow and steady might have ended that wretched night on a different note (then again, it was tequila;  at least we didn’t end up in jail).

I never touched tequila again….until now…..years later, and only sip it.

Jumping into Jiu Jitsu full on and letting it take over my every thought has made it very difficult to enjoy other things in my life.  One gentleman posted in one of the Facebook groups the question, ‘how many times a week do you train Jiu Jitsu?’  The responses left me speechless.  People are training 8-9 times a week, plus extra gym, yoga, weights, etc….one person actually commented on if you are ‘not’ training this much, then you must ‘not’ be serious. 😳

It made me wonder how much time do they dedicate to their loved ones, their jobs and other interests.  Does anyone vacuum their own floors, do their own laundry,  home cook meals or care for their offspring?!  I must be a terrible person at time management because I am pretty sure I could not put in those kinds of hours on the mat without it affecting some part or other of my life.

I don’t want Jiu Jitsu to absorb my life.

I want it to compliment it.

Quitting Jiu Jitsu all together is not an option for me as I too have noticed that I take deeper breaths when something or someone has set my emotions off.  For the first time, I actually miss the mat after not being on it for a few days.  When  I started back in September, once a week was more than plenty (my body didn’t allow for more)….now that I have been going twice a week for a couple of months, I think I might like to try going three times.  Maybe I am getting stronger?  My fellow Jiujitieros are telling me my sweeps are getting a little more flow to them, that must be a good thing.

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The point is that there are so many other beautiful things to enjoy too. (A short trip to Ripley’s Aquarium with my baby girl, resulted in these amazing photos.)

We need to find a balance in life.

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We need to rest our minds to reset and affirm our goals.

There is nothing wrong with solitude.

It helps build character.

Call a pal, hang out, go dancing.  The AGO has a wonderful exhibit of Monet, Van Gogh and other’s art.  Grab your mini-clones and take them to the movies – Moana is awesome for all ages…. Rogue One – Star Wars is still in the theatres.

img_2112Make paper air planes while waiting for that Babewatch Hamburger from The Works…..so delicious!!  Giggle non-stop with your loved ones…watch a tele-novela – Jane the Virgin (who was accidentally artificially inseminated!!!)

Then get back on the mat, read another article, respond to a fellow grappler’s post….watch yet one more video on how to successfully roll without separating your shoulder.

But try, try, try…..to keep a balance in your life…

 

So next time we grab the tequila, remember…

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…it’s all about balance..

..while having fun…

…but not too much fun….cause that could result in the calling of the gods.

 

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Am I a Masochist?!

f62006bd77eb6d98b47f79aed70efa86Over the years I have worn casts and splints, had my share of bumps and bruises, tears and bandaids.  Having mommy or daddy kiss my ouchies away – well, isn’t that the best medicine ever!!

Fast forward into adulthood and childbirth, a difficult one I might add, months in the hospitals.  Enough morphine coursing through my veins to keep a small army troupe smiling for a year. ( I miss the peacefulness of that morphine sometimes …)

Surgery after surgery…then rehabilitation to relearn how to walk and stand.. (My miracle baby was worth it all though)

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Years of personal trainers to teach me how to strengthen all the muscles that were cut into in order to keep me alive. (I am really hard to kill off!)

I am not new to pain.

Tough Mudder 2015 had me experiencing a level of muscle pain like I have never experienced! ( I trained for it, obviously not enough since I couldn’t walk for a week!)

The general rule is whatever doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.  Right?

Usually it only takes a few days of muscle soreness and I am re-energized to work out again.  2693-700x0

Until Jiu Jitsu …..

What is it with this never ending body pain?!!

At first, being in the honeymoon phase, I embraced the sore muscles, the toenail cuts and loved my bruises.

Now, I ache all the time.  To the point I’m even embarrassed to say anything to my instructors because I don’t want to be viewed as a whiny baby.

Truth is….I am not 29 anymore.funold

Shoulder Impingement Treatment.

Wrist inflammation.

Knuckle and joint swelling.

These are all new terms for me.

All ….demoralizing…  Am I truly too old for this?!  I am near tears thinking that I didn’t even make it to my first stripe and I am scared sh**tless to get back on the mat.  I’ll even admit that I skipped my last class due to this fear.

Reaching out to the ‘40 Plus BJJ Engage‘ facebook group;  I asked them about their first injury and how did it affect them regarding continuing rolling on the mats.

Hearing about some of their injuries makes me want to run in the opposite direction.  (A friend of mine -also a white belt, recently had his ankle shattered practicing a drill with another white belt – in a cast for 8 weeks!!)

What I noticed was the trend that was occurring throughout the answers.

None of them give up!

All of them have experienced the same feelings of defeat I am currently experiencing.  I am not alone.  One lady provided additional female support.  One gentleman provided this image.

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The Gracie family has provided yet more inspiring videos

– Surviving the First 6 Months of Sparring (Gracie Breakdown)

Top 5 Jiu Jitsu Injuries (& how to roll with them)

Am I a masochist?

It’s very possible.physiotherapy

I’ve just agreed to a 10K run in May, in addition to committing to twice a week yoga sessions to help out a friend obtain his Yoga Instructor certification and heading back onto the Jiu Jitsu mat to learn ways to roll without further injuring myself.

In the meantime, I’m off to physio ….

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On a more serious note…Domestic Violence

Movies that depict this: Safe Haven – Sleeping with the Enemy.  Hollywood-ized but I am sure it is closer to the truth than we want to admit.

Articles: Statistics in Ontario –  The Facts about Violence against Women – We are failing the victims of Domestic Violence  – just to mention a few.

Support groupshow sad that there are so many just in our small city.

Depending on the woman, her strength, her support system and her will to live; some survive.

Some do not….some still live with it every – single – day.

Women go to self defense classes but there we are taught how to defend against our attacker just enough so we can run away.  The assumption is we will be attacked outside of the home yet statistics show that the number of assaults is far greater inside our home.  Our attacker tends to be more often than not, someone we know and love.

battered_woman_mainThe violence normally doesn’t start happening overnight.  It takes time to wear down the victim. Time to lure her into a state of trust and slowly, a little a time, ‘the moments’ begin to occur.  Sometimes she isn’t even aware that it is happening…until it is too late.  She is either deep into the relationship…marriage, kids, 25 years invested; too embarrassed to tell anyone or has told people and no one believes her because she has been so good at keeping it a secret.  Worse yet, police are called and they just brush it off.  Swept it under the table.  It’s not easy to simply walk away.

Just try and find articles on domestic violence – I’ll bet they are just as popular as the Kardashians – NOT!

Every victim’s situation is different but all have similarities.  Missed red flags.

And then, when she does manage to get out of it, the real symptoms kick in, the aftermath.  The skittishness, fear of being in the presence of males, fear of intimacy, keeps everyone at arm’s length, afraid of even her own shadow – she wants to learn how to protect herself but the truth is, she is fighting the biggest battle of them all by this point – herself.

She learns to show a ‘happy mask’ to the outside world while keeping her demons inside of her.  The images and memories never go away. They are triggered over and over again until she learns how to calm her mind.

My dear survivors of domestic abuse, all I can say is find a way heal your soul & mind.  Your bruises may have disappeared but the inside damage needs more than just a bandage.  Don’t drown in drugs or alcohol.  They won’t make things better long term.

Try Kickboxing or Karate. Running or Baseball. Yoga or Tai Chi.  Whatever your pleasure, just find something to calm your mind so that you can heal.

I find that when I come out of Jiu Jitsu, my mind is at peace. I cannot tell you what to try, you need to find this out on your own terms.  Just don’t give up on yourself!

Please, do not ever risk your life for anyone….because…

You are beautiful.

You are worth it.

You are strong.

You can survive….you already have…

Love should not hurt

As for everyone else, be respectful. You probably do not even know that they are struggling….especially during the holidays when everyone is happy and giddy.

Do not judge others for they may be fighting a fight that you are not aware of.

To all my beloved beautiful ladies who still find yourselves caught in this diabolical web, may you find the strength to survive the winter months as they tend to be a very tense time of the year for many.

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Sharing is Caring

october-05-2012-02-15-41-ygI was very nervous about sharing my journey with you.  Although I am not looking for validation from anyone, I am doing this for me; I also did not want to be shamed into stopping everything either.  It has been a very interesting experience and a real test of my confidence levels since I started making my blog public to my friends, family and strangers.

The responses have ranged from ‘this is great!‘, ‘you’re an inspiration‘, ‘keep it up‘ to  ……’what a joke this is‘, ‘you must have way too much time on your hands‘, ‘don’t you think you are a little old for this‘, ‘seems like you are a little too into yourself to think you are better than the rest of us‘.

The first set of responses obviously made me feel fantastic….the rest, a real test in controlling my emotions.

I wasn’t offended by the latter comments, but I’ll admit, my confidence levels took a bit of hit.

In a previous post, I stated why I started blogging. I am doing it for me.

But why am I sharing it?

Several reasons…

First – Staying Positive.

positiveBased on media clips lately, there is so much negativity out there..Trump, Meryl Streep, Ronda Rousey, Trudeau, just to name a few.  I am so tired of the constant bashing from one group to another.  Whatever their reasons for doing or saying what they have, it takes courage for them to go against the general population’s beliefs.  Try to look at the positive in each negative situation, no matter what, there is always a silver lining to every situation (even if it’s a thin one)

Second – Talk the Talk, Walk the Talk.

Not everyone warms up to things as quickly as others.  By me sharing my fears and joys, maybe others will take a moment, see that they are not alone in their feelings and look inside themselves hopefully breaking through that barrier called fear.  I mention a lot about women empowering women, but please do not take this as I am all mighty feminist.  I am not.  These thoughts apply to all of us, regardless of gender, size, race or employment.

Third – It’s Important.

We announce weddings and funerals.  We announce wins and losses.

We scream from the mountain tops how proud we are of our kids, all those mommy and daddy proud moment Facebook posts.

We announce everything and anything that is important to us.

Jiu Jitsu has become very important to me.  It has rewarded me with self-confidence, empowerment, a new extended family, and a happy heart and soul.  I love how it has pushed so many of my triggers and Atos has provided a very safe environment for me to overcome them.

I read a post titled “What Are You Giving Back to Jiu Jitsu?

My contribution to Jiu Jitsu and the female community – by publishing my blog, I hope to reach as many women as possible out there to show them that although Jiu Jitsu may seem crazy intimidating at first, it is totally worth giving it a chance.  #GirlPower

My contribution to my fellow Jiujiteiros – to give you kudos for your patience and determination in helping me learn and practice my techniques to earn my stripes and not giving up on me just because I am a woman. #RealMenEmpo13000297_227613380933484_7811875103146990031_nwerWomen

My contribution to Pura Atos Hamilton – is to highlight the fantastically amazing
environment that Professor PJ, his training crew and all the practitioners who strive to better themselves everyday on and off the mat.  I cannot thank you enough for making me feel welcome at the same time, giving me the space I need to grow at my own pace. #TogetherWeAreStronger

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David & Goliath

As I look around my classroom, I am not unsympathetic to the anxiety that teens nowadays experience.  What I do have is an issue with how many expect things handed to them on a silver platter.  Few are willing to work for success anymore.

In a time where instant gratification is the norm, it is also difficult as an adult to learn patience, let alone perseverance and determination to not give up simply because something is difficult.  It is so much easier to walk away when we don’t obtain what we want in the time frame that we want.

We find excuses.

We say we are smaller, bigger, missing limbs, not missing limbs, older in age, younger in age, out of shape, too much in shape – whatever our reason is –  we consider ourselves defeated.

We give up…

But we shouldn’t because when that one moment…the ‘aha’ moment, where all of a sudden all that hard work, the anxiety, the sore muscles (and joints for this old gal) when you know it was all worth it.

Last night we learned different mount techniques.  It is referred to as the King of all positions but what I learned the most was how to modify the positioning davidbased on my size.

Time to begin practicing the technique, I scan the room and see the men quickly scrambling to find their partners.  I wasn’t quite sure why they were scrambling so quickly until my eyes laid upon my partner (6’2″ – 230lbs – all muscle) ….–> –> –> Gulp!!

I got this….I tighten my belt (which is starting to actually look half decent these days), pray that my pants don’t fall off – and an extra little prayer that I don’t end up being squashed..

Getting into position and I can’t stop laughing.  The main objective is to get my knees both on the mat, while straddling his chest….both of them…at the same time….ya, that’s not happening.

harbour_sealStraightening my jacket, taking a deep breath, I try.  Nope. Impossible.

Let me think.   Jiu Jitsu is about learning techniques to defend yourself in real life situations.  I need to learn how to position myself so that one knee is on the mat and my other foot is helping me find balance (thank you Coach Matt for the extra lesson).  Feeling secure with my stance, I place my knee under his arm…ok, maybe it was a little more emphatic than that, I accidently kneed his ribs (he is really really tall).. poor guy, I’m pretty sure I was about to see that cheesecake he was boasting about eating just prior to class – cherry cheesecake for those who really need to know.  (My brand new Gi was potentially going to be the victim of a full on projectile if I wasn’t careful with my knee placement)

After a few very awkward moments, I’m starting to get the hang of this.  Grab his arm, pull down (long arms resulted in my head getting smacked – keep going Yolanda, you can flip him), lock my leg around his ankle (where the heck is his ankle???!! Seriously?  How am I supposed to flip if I can’t even reach?)

And….

Flip!!

My head is spinning, I’m not sure where my hands are supposed to be that don’t cause my embarassment to the max…when this giant of a man now on his back says, “That was all you.”

Huh?

I request clarification….fullhouse-thumb-290x238-255433

Did I actually flip him without his help?

YESSSSS!!!!!  Success..

With every part of my body spasming due to my flipping this Goliath, I smile…because now I feel like Superwoman.

And now…again…keep practicing.  Flip. Flip. Roll. Spasm. Ignore. Flip…can’t breath….need water.

The class continues, he keeps picking me as a partner- drilling and sparing.  Change partners, do it all over, again and again….it’s all about developing muscle memory….

Until I can no longer feel my muscles.  (I am pretty sure I just learned what gassing out feels like.)

superwoman_234_by_rogelioroman_by_the_darcsyde-d5wq80fOne thing I experienced for sure, these gentlemen warriors made me feel like I was on top of the world.  That I can do this…the first stripe on my belt might actually be obtainable before I turn 80 years old.

Thank you so much Eric, Chris and Sebastian along with the rest of the male folk this evening at Pura Atos Hamilton for making me work for it, teaching me perseverance and that yes, there are good men out there who are willing to teach a woman how to fight back in a real life survival situation while not being egotistical about it.

You guys rock!

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