All I want for Christmas…

If you are like me, you have probably reached a point in your life where material gifts mean nothing anymore.  There is a roof over my head, my daughter is healthy and happy, I love my job (how many of us can say that and mean it) and although I joke around a lot about not being much of a cook and that I feed my daughter cheese and crackers regularly, if I really hunker down in front of the stove, I can whip up a half decent lasagna or an ice cream cake.  Go check out some of mom’s recipes .nicole-and-i2

Family and friends are amazing to have but boy, is the feeling when a past student comes to visit me out of the blue just wonderful!! This is Nicole.  She started with me at 14 years old was in our Planning for Independence Program (PIP) at school, has MID (Mild Intellectual Disability) and displays slight autism characteristics.  She is now 21 and successfully graduated last year.  After not seeing her for 6 months, she came in today to give me the biggest most emotional hug; now that’s an awesome Christmas present. So sweet..

***cue in Christmas music***

Focus Yolanda, back to Jiu Jitsu.  At last night’s session I saw a ring on someone’s finger, 10012436_10202787641666672_7224632776458003561_nall that came to mind is the time when I cracked my front teeth on a beer bottle while out dancing with my girlfriends; and how much pain I was in.

<–There is the bottle that caused me so much trauma that night.  [**eye roll**]

The point of the ring you ask?  Well, one night as I was sparring with one of my fellow jiujiteiras her ring pinged me off my front teeth.  The pain was slight and pretty much non-existent but the memory of the previous cracked tooth drove home…..

So what do I want for Christmas?       A mouth guard!!

I spent the rest of my session focusing on the different mouth guards that the gentlemen were wearing.  Have you seen these things?!!  They are NOT attractive.  Do I want this big bulge of plastic inside my mouth?  What about all the drool that will accumulate?  What if that drool falls out and on top of my opponent?!?!?  For pete’s sake, I am just starting to feel comfortable drilling with the odd male on the mat, I can’t have my drool dropping on his face!!!  How unladylike!!

It’s bad enough that I have to keep my lady-mounds from popping out of my sports bra or my pants from falling off!! #thisgirlsjiujitsuproblems

During my initial Self Defense class, we didn’t wear a Gi but now that I have gone on to the next stage of my adventure, I had to purchase one along with my membership.  What an exciting day that was.  I’m normally about shoes and lipsticks but boy, was I ever super proud of myself that I was going to be wearing my very own Gi.

One problem…..

I had no idea how to put it on.  When Coach Joel handed it to me and told me to quickly try it on, I noticed that the cut of the jacket is meant for men.

I told Coach Joel this and he was shocked to learn that men’s and women’s jackets are made differently.  That is why we have tailors and seamstresses, one for each gender.  Why do men’s shirts button left over right and women’s blouses right over left? Check this article…its a neat piece of historical knowledge.

It’s time for class and I have to get ready.  I pull out the pants from their bag and cannot for the life of me, figure out what is the front or back of the pants.  There is no zipper or button in the front.  No tag in the back.  Just two strings on each side plus belt loops only on one side of the pant.  Now what?!40a

I put them on and notice that there is extra material in the front….must be because I am a lady and only have ‘lady parts’ in the front of my body – yup, no ‘man parts’ here.

Yes, this must be the reason for the bulge of material in the front.  No worries, I got this…I roll up the front of the pant, turn around and notice my booty looks pretty good and in the end, all the matters, is whether my booty looks good in a pair of pants.  I put on the jacket, make a terrible attempt at tying my belt (which I still can’t figure out how to tie) and off I go out on to the mat.

After what I deemed to be a successful session of learning drills all the while me fighting to keep my pants on and my belt looking somewhat presentable…what do I notice but that the pads on the pants are not decoration.  They are to give your knees an extra layer of protection while sparring.  Where are my pads you ask?  Behind me.  On the back of my knees…..yeah, you’re correct in your thinking.  I am officially wearing my pants on backwards.  The most embarrassing part of it, is not that I figured this out on my own but that as I was asking Coach Matt for help with the belt…..he is the one that had to gently tell me I was wearing my Gi pants backwards.  Oh boy, don’t I ever feel like a fool! The color rushing to my face, so much for me ever playing poker.

All I can say is that after a few Google searches and what is now one of my favorite YouTube channels to watch…I’m obviously not alone in not knowing how to wear these pants as Rener Gracie himself had to put together a video!!  Ha!  I am not a complete imbecile!!

Three weeks later, I now know how to wear my Gi tho I still struggle with keeping my pants on during my sessions.  I have learned to tuck in my t-shirt into my leggings which I wear under the Gi to protect any embarrassing wardrobe malfunctions.  Wearing cotton sets off my hot-flashes into high gear, dry fit wear is better.  Not ideal, but tolerable.

What do I want for Christmas?

A mouth guard and maybe some new sport bras…yup!  I went there.

And maybe a Gi that isn’t so prone to setting off my hot flashes….